Jokes

Apple are proud to announce a new chip that can be inserted into womens breasts and play music (acting as a speaker). The iBreast should cost around £499 to £599. The iBreast is seen as a scientific breakthrough because women are always complaining about men looking at their breasts and not listening.

One of my faveourite jokes because its so true

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, shes the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you the people. The nanny, well consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

kingofgames73 said:

One of my faveourite jokes because its so true

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, shes the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you the people. The nanny, well consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

LMFAO sooooooooo true

wot do u call an afgan virgin?

Never Bin Laidon

Heres a couple of famous(ish) jokes from Joe Pasquale 🙂

When i was a boy i had a fairy godmother, one day she grant me one wish, she said i could have either a long memory or a long dick…….i can`t remember what i chose now….

Women are like countries of the world-aged 18-25 they are like alaska, undiscovered
aged 25-35 they are like south american rainforests, hot, steamy and a little clammy
aged 35-60 they are like England, A bit ruddy around the edge but still a nice place to go
and finally, aged 65+ they are like Iraq, everyone knows where it is but no bugger wants to go there

Final joke (at least for the next 5 mins) is one from Jimmy Carr
“I once saw an advert on the tv telling me how an african girl had to walk 13 miles to get some water!, and i couldn’t help but think `Wow she should really move`”

Whats the difference between a Roast Beef and Pea Soup?
Anyone can Roast Beef, but no one can Pee Soup……

A man walks into a bar with a lump of concrete. He sits it down next to him and says. “One for me, and one for the road.”