Jokes

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. “Yes”, he said. “I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits. funny funny

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

And heres a pretty funny one i found on the net with some cheap laughs at microsoft

kingofgames73 said:

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

And heres a pretty funny one i found on the net with some cheap laughs at microsoft

GM Like Computer Industry

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon.” General Motors has issued a press release stating: 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought “Car XP” or “Car 2000″. But then you would have to buy more seats. 6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads. 7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single “general car default” warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 9. The airbag system would say “Are you sure?” before going off. 10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna. 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept. 12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 13. You would press the “start ” button to shut off the engine.

i heard the bob one.

What is the difference between a Kerbab and a Virgina?

One stinks, has meet falling out of it and only a drunk will eat…. The other is a Lovely Greek Dish.

iiDiNkStErR said:

Whats the difference between Jade Goody & a Moped ?

A moped reached 30 !

lovely , if a tad cruel , but hell , roflmao…

What is the difference between Micheal Jackson and R Kelly?

R Kelly waits until they are at least 13.

So we get Bird Flu, we kill 10,000 birds… We get Pig Flu, we kill 10,000 pigs…. When are we going to get Asian Flu?

Ratchet525 said:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cutt off? He's all RIGHT now.

Yeah i suck

damn straight… worst display of a joke i have ever seen.

at least you admited it…..

ok.. here is my try… but i've heard this before

A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. “Let me tell you a story,” replied the Priest.

“A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.”

The man protested: “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!”

“Simple”, replied the Priest…

“It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!”