Jokes

A man's walking in a desert when he sees a man with a piece of paper and a truck. The 'truck man' tells the man that if he can take a minute of his time fillling out a questionaire he could have a tie. The man shakes his head then laughs.

48 hours later he is gasping of thirst he comes across the same guy with the same lorry and what is supposedly the same piece of paper. Once again he asks for a minute of his time. The guy replies: “Haven't you got any water?” The tie man shakes his head.

Another few hours a woman in a caravan calls to him and offers him a tie if she could tell his future for him. It would only take her thirty seconds. And guess what? He would get a tie when she had finished but he doesn't want some strange gypsie telling his future on top of all of this thirst. So he carries on looking for his water.

Another hour passed and the man is practically dying of thirst when he sees a hotel. Crawling up to it he can see that inside people are drinking in luxury. It takes him a few minutes to get there on his hands and knees but eventually her arrives at the door. A waiter comes out to him with a menu. He takes one look at the man and shakes his head. “Sorry sir, but to gain entrance into this hotel you need a tie.

A man gets to his apartment his girlfriend just about to make love , when hes ready to open the door she yells WAIT . He turns around and says what ? She says ” I can often tell how a man makes love by the way he opens a door, if he bangs it open hes usually agressive , if he has trouble opening it he has no experience at all ” So she asked ” How do you open your door ? ” . The man stood there and grinned ” Well .. I usually lick it first ” 

your mama so fat that when she fell in love she broke it

gow2rules said:

Ratchet525 said:

How does a blonde kill a fish?

She drowns it.

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lol

funny but uncool 

assassinghost said:

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” “That's nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

lol at the end!!

assassinghost said:

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” “That's nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

too funny